


Jar of Hearts

by CarryOnMySwanSong



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blood and Gore, Canon-Typical Violence, Consent, Dean's time as a demon is extended, End of Season 9 Finale Rewrite, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Helpful Crowley (Supernatural), King of Hell, Naked Cuddling, Nudity, Oral Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Post-Coital Cuddling, Reader-Insert, Self-Sacrifice, Smut, Something Else™, Swearing, Transformative Magic, Unknown Supernatural Race, Vaginal Fingering, new mark, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-12 01:34:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13536861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarryOnMySwanSong/pseuds/CarryOnMySwanSong
Summary: Dean is gone and (y/n) needs resume her life after realizing that Dean is Something Else™. Trying to reach some level of normalcy, her life changes in an instant, once demon!Dean tracks her down and gets his hands on her. She has some decisions she needs to make, after this big event.





	1. Jar of Hearts - Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri. If anything changes, in the series, those changes will be reflected on this page. Including Warnings and Characters.
> 
> I had no idea how to tag this fic. Its weird lol But I will update them, with each chapter.

[Link to the YouTube video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v_4O44sfjM)


	2. Jar of Hearts, Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introduction of the characters. The story starts when Dean is killed by Metatron and turns dark side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really hard to write, choosing to rewrite Dean’s death scene at the end of Season 9. It was hard to watch. Rewriting it made it even more painful. So I guess this is a warning as well... I wanted his death to hit harder, and run deeper. The impact harder. I hope I did it justice.

**(Y/n) POV  
**

The fight was over. We were all safe. Except we couldn’t find Dean. We searched and searched… and by the time we found him it was too late. He looked like he was resting. But there was too much blood.

I spotted him first and ran to him, dropping my weapon. I peeled back his outer shirt and saw the circular shaped hole in his chest. It took me a minute to realize that the sounds of screams were coming from my own mouth.

Sam got there soon after and dropped to his knees so hard and suddenly I thought he might have broke something. But we weren’t thinking about that. We were both numb, looking at the form before us, taking the shape of the man we both loved with everything in us. Eyes staring out at nothing, spark of life obviously gone. Face and body covered in blood.

Sam dragged Dean’s body down and I stuck my fingers in the hole in his chest. Hoping his heart was intact and I could get it pumping enough to get the blood moving so he could be healed. When my fingers landed against a rib, i knew. I knew he was gone and there was no saving him.

“Sam. His heart is destroyed. He’s gone. He’s gone…” I started wailing, over and over… Sam finally grabbed me and pushed my face into his chest and we clung to each other, weeping.

Finally, when we both could move again, we looked over at Dean. His skin was beginning to fade in color and the blood was beginning to dry. Without speaking, Sam grabbed the First Blade, and carefully wrapped it in cloth and stuck it in a blade holster on his leg. Then we picked Dean’s body up and slowly made our way back to Baby. Sam could have carried Dean by himself but he knew I wouldn’t let him. Neither of us wanting to let go of our hold on his body, just yet.

When we got back to the car, Castiel was waiting with a grave and somber expression. He had laid a blanket in the back, knowing we’d be headed his way. He opened both back doors and the three of us laid Dean into the backseat and I sat in the back with him, cradling his head, silent tears streaming down my face. Sam handed Castiel the Blade, and he put it in the trunk.

Castiel drove, while Sam and I sat silently, staring off into the distance. The car ride back to the bunker was interminable, eternal almost. Only the sound of sobbing broke the heavy atmosphere, despite us trying to be as quiet as possible. My hands, without thinking, were running through Dean’s hair, feeling the coldness of his body set in. I couldn’t bring myself to stop touching him, even after my whole being finally registered that he was no longer in the vessel whose hair I was running my fingers through.

When we got back to the bunker the three of us carried Dean to our room. Our room. No longer our room. My room. No. Not anymore. Never again. We laid him on top of the bed that he and I shared. Castiel went to the kitchen to grab a large bowl and filled it with warm water and grabbed some washcloths. The three of us working silently to clean him up. Undressing him and washing his body. On autopilot, we sewed up all the holes in his body and made sure his skin and hair was as clean as it possibly could be.

I found all his favorite items. His softest boxers, his favorite band tee, layered under his favorite flannel and jeans. I found his favorite superhero socks and put his favorite boots on his feet. After his soiled clothes were gathered, and the dirty blankets and sheets were replaced, the three of us left him, one by one. None of us could think of what to do next. We knew we needed to burn him. Give him the funeral he deserved. But we all silently agreed that we couldn’t do it. Not yet.

Two days passed. I thought we would be able to smell him by now. The rational part of my brain knowing that the longer he laid there, the less and less he was going to look like Dean. Our Dean. I went to check on his body. And found the room empty. My first thought was that they had moved him. Maybe starting without me. But I hadn’t heard the garage door open and I could hear Sam snoring in his bed. Finally sleeping. Castiel was in the library, staring at a photograph of the four of us. I went back to his room. To make sure I wasn’t dreaming. His room. I had moved out of it, the day we cleaned his body. I moved across the hall so I could always look in. But when I woke, the door had been shut.

As realization set in and before I could do anything else, my body dropped and I started screaming. I don’t know if i said anything. But as I was screaming I noticed his favorite coat was gone, along with his demon blade, one identical to the one Sam carries, that he kept on his side table. Shaking my head I put my face in my hands and my screams turned into sobs.

It felt like forever, but within minutes, Sam and Castiel had come running into the room with me. Staring at the bed, I felt hands on my shoulder. Then those hands lifting me in a cradle and carrying me out of the room. Sobs wracking my body, I buried my face into whoever was holding me.

Suddenly, I felt the body under me, sitting. I look up and I’m in Sam’s arms. His face a swirl of emotions. Sam was my brother, my family and now it was more clear than ever that we both had lost Dean. We clung to each other. Quietly breathing in each other’s scent and drawing comfort from the presence of each other, of not being alone. This was no lover’s embrace, just the culmination of desperation and sadness pulling two siblings together. Though I’m sure we looked like a couple, since I was in his lap and we were sitting on a bed, and we were holding each other like it was the only thing keeping us alive. The thought brought a dark amusement to my mind that I ignored.

Sam finally spoke “We will find him, (y/n). He couldn’t have gone far.” I pulled back and looked him in his eyes.

“No Sam. His coat and demon blade were gone. And the door was shut. I know I left it open when we all went to bed. I don’t think we will ever find him, unless he wants us to. There’s no telling what he will be. What if he isn’t our Dean? What if he’s something else? There’s no telling what the Mark did to him.”

Sam was silent for a moment, thinking about my words. The edge of the bed dipped down next to us and Castiel’s arms had wrapped around us both. He spoke “I can’t feel him. I sense a dark void in the world where he should be, but I can’t tell where he is. I don’t know what happened. But the last time I felt this, was when I was near a Knight of Hell. I don’t know what we can do now. I thought he’d come back. But now I don’t know what can be done. If there’s a cure…” He trailed off, sobbing into me.

We sat like this, for a little while longer, trying to collect our thoughts. Trying to figure out what to do next. Castiel was the first to stand. He walked out of the room. Sam slowly put me down so I was standing next to him. Leaning on him, we both walked to the library to start pulling books. By the time we got there, Castiel had several stacks on the tables. Notebooks and laptops out.

“Let’s get to work”, as I sat in front of my laptop and grabbed a book and notepad.

* * *

**Dean POV**

I knew it was the end before the angel blade was thrust into my chest. I knew no one was coming to save me. I could only hope that (y/n), Sam, and Cas were safe and that they had killed many in their path. I still held up my hands, trying to block the image of Metatron’s face in mine, as the sharp pain hit my skin, went through my heart, and I heard it clink against the wall behind me, taking bone with it.

I knew they wouldn’t get to me in time. I knew they would find me like this. I tried to stay sitting up, pressing against the wall as hard as I could, with my hand on the hole in the front, trying to keep as much blood in as possible. I knew my heart was struggling. It was ruined. I couldn’t pray to Cas. Metatron waiting until my heart stopped beating. I couldn’t risk him getting killed too.

The last words from my lips, as I took my last breath was “(y/n) I love you…” And I was gone. Standing over my corpse. Watching it all unfold. But something was different. This was not like all the times before, when I died. I felt different. My ghost felt… darker. Colder. I looked around and I could see the reapers collecting the dead. They all avoided me. Looking in my eyes and quickly looking away, walking a little faster. I tried to talk to them but they ignored me and moved on.

When (Y/n) and Sam got to me, I knew they wouldn’t be able to hear me. Watching their reactions to my corpse was almost too much to watch, but something in me knew I had to. (Y/n) screaming and Sam jerking my body from the wall, and (y/n) sticking her fingers in my chest to try and pump my destroyed heart and wailing out when she hit the ribs behind it. Watching as Sam grabbed her and held her to him so she’d stop screaming and holding each other as i grew cold and the blood on my body dried. I followed them as they carried me to Baby and put me in the car. Cas driving while the other two sat in silence. The three of them crying. I was sitting next to (y/n) as she played with my hair, tears streaming down her face. God this was hard to watch. I reached my hand out and touched her cheek. Watching her eyes flutter as she felt the sudden cold against her skin, barely registering that it happened. Her grip on my body tightening.

I watched as they carried my body into our room. I knew it would only be my room, after this was over. I knew she’d move out of it. Unable to face the memories we’d made here. They laid my body out and working without speaking, they undressed me until I was completely naked. Washing my skin, sewing up the wounds. I watched as (y/n) found all my favorite clothes and dressed me after my skin was clean. I watched as Sam helped her move her things into the room across the hall so she could still look in on my body. No one spoke. 

Time was weird here. But I know it was two days that passed. I knew they were going to burn me when their minds calmed. But then something happened. It started before dawn hit, on the second day. Before everyone was awake. I felt a tug. I tried to leave the room but I couldn’t. It was like I was chained to my body and it was trying to reel me in.

There was a whoosh, and I felt myself being sucked back into my body. As I fit back into my body, I felt deep dark cloud enveloping my soul, and leaching into my bones. The hole in my heart closing and the torn and ragged tissue knitting back together. The sutures dissolving as all the wounds they’d sewn back together closed and became perfect. The tattoo on my chest humming back to life. My heart began to beat. Color came back to my skin. The dark cloud taking over my soul settled into my skin, into my essence, into my being. My eyes jerk open and I know they are black. I should have felt… something. But my only thoughts were “I have to get out of here so I don’t hurt them”. Probably the only human thing I will ever think again. I got out of the bed so quietly my steps don’t even register on the floor. Just as quietly, I shut the door, and grab my favorite coat and wallet from the drawer of my night table stand. I hesitated, then grabbed the demon blade that matched my brother’s, from the top of it. I thought of a place and in an instant, I was there…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is the life's blood that keeps me going!


	3. Jar of Hearts, Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Y/n) remembers her conversation with Sam, when she finally decides to leave the Bunker, as well as deciding to finally get a handle on her life after several months passed Dean disappearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that they only have one demon blade, in the show. But I wanted something to be immediate proof that Dean had walked away, rather than someone stealing his body. Only Dean (aside Sam and Cas) would have known that the blade was his and not her’s.

[Flashback to 6 months after Dean disappears.]

_“Sam, I can’t stay here any longer. I keep waiting for him to come around the corner. Every time someone cooks in the kitchen I think i’m going to find him standing at the stove. This place is haunting me. We have read through these books a hundred times over. We haven’t hunted in months. I can’t take it anymore. I have to leave. I will keep in touch. I won’t disappear. But I can’t live here anymore.”_

_Understanding crosses Sam’s face. He wanted to argue, protest, find some way to get Castiel to make her stay. But he knew she’d just banish him with a sigil, as soon as they were out of eyesight of her, to get away._

_“Take Baby. Dean would have wanted you to have her.”_

_She shook her head at that. “No Sam. Baby needs to stay in the Winchester family. I wasn’t a Winchester. Close, but not quite. Besides. If I take her with me I will be haunted by the memories in her too. Between our first kiss and carrying his body back, I just can’t. Maybe one day… but not now. I will just take one of the other cars and stock it up with whatever extra weapons we have.”_

_He nods and stands. “I will help you pack. I don’t want this to be the last thing we do: argue about you leaving.” He follows her to her room and they begin to pack up her clothes, leaving behind the knick knacks and things that decorated the shelves. Then to the car, to pack up the extra weapons. They discovered that the First Blade was missing, but they weren’t surprised. Sam insisted she take the various hunting journals that they’d written over the years along with an angel blade. Since Dean took the demon blade, she needed something that would kill demons. Something to protect herself. He knew she wouldn’t let him come with her. She had to be on her own for a while._

_They stand next to one of the classic cars parked next to Baby. Supplies already packed inside. Trunk already fitted with weapons and a devil’s traps all over the interior. She had already picked this car for its size and reinforced the top with rebar so it couldn’t be crushed by demons or whatever else. She had filled the windshield wiper fluid chamber with holy water, a trick well worth remembering._

_Sam wrapped his arms around (y/n) and kissed her forehead. Whispering words of brotherly love and encouragement. He let her go and handed her a small bag filled with several burner phones already programmed with all of his and Castiel’s numbers along with the numbers of other trusted hunters they’d met over the years. All her fake badges and identities and cards were also inside. She was all set for a life on the road, saving people, hunting things._

_His last words to her were “(Y/n), I love you. You have always been like a sister to me. You will always have a place here. You will always be a Winchester. No matter what. We will get him back. I promise. Please don’t disappear. Don’t be a stranger.” She nodded against his chest, not trusting herself to speak._

_Tears streamed down both their faces as she backed the car out of the garage, turned around and drove away. Their eyes locked in her rear view mirror until neither couldn’t see the other anymore._

[End of Flashback]

* * *

**(Y/n) POV**

Shaking my head, clearing my mind of the memory…

That was several months ago. It had been over a year now, since Dean disappeared. We assume he is a demon but we don’t know for sure. No one will tell us anything. Crowley won’t answer. Castiel has not been answering his phone or my prayers. The only one who talks to me regularly is Sam. I go back to the Bunker every few weeks to make sure I have all my supplies, or to pick up a specialized weapon here or there. Sam doesn’t hunt anymore. He’s just searching for a cure. For answers. He calls me when I can’t find my own cases. He always seems to know when I need help.

He stopped asking me to come back. Stopped asking me when I was coming home. I didn’t have an answer for him.

What I did have, was whispers. Of a man matching Dean’s description, breaking hearts all over the US. Every city I went to I heard the whispers. After a few weeks of hearing them, I started to be late to cases. Interviewing witnesses only to find a fed had already been there. Going to bars and hearing the waitresses talking about the gorgeous man with the green eyes who had fucked all of them each on a different night, after he drank all their whisky… When I mean late to cases, I mean I’d figure out what was doing the killing or hurting and I’d go to clean it out, only to find that it was already gone. The vamps, weres, wendigos, or whatever, were dead. Bones salted and burned. It was like there was a hunter literally a day ahead of me, all the time. I think on one or two occasions, I got there just as the person was leaving but I never did seem to catch them.

Dean. Possibly a Knight of Hell? Hunting?! Um. Am I missing something here? I had to admit, it made me sick, to think he was fucking other people. But who was I to feel this way? I’d picked up all sorts of people in the months since I left the Bunker. I called Sam, as soon as I came from the nest of our latest case, making sure all the evidence had burned. Vampires. Ten of them. All their heads missing. Which is probably a good thing because our intel said five, tops. I was angry. But I told him my theory. We agreed to go to the next case, without me stopping. So, instead of going to the bar, getting drunk, sleeping the night, and moving on the next morning I did the more expedient thing. I went to the bar, ordered dinner, wolfed it down as soon as it hit the table, and left town for the next case, on the heels of my shadow.

I kept getting closer and closer to catching the hunter who was clearing my cases. How was he or she getting them before me or Sam? Castiel wasn’t answering so we knew he wasn’t working them or feeding info to others. None of the hunters still in the game were in the areas where cases were being cleared. It had to be Dean And when I admitted that to myself, I started to feel something I hadn’t felt in almost a year: Hope. Maybe he wasn’t a demon. Or bad. Or dangerous. Maybe he was just staying away because he had lost himself and he didn’t know who he was or who we were. Maybe he thought we’d kidnapped him at the bunker and he crept out, thinking he was escaping a bad situation. A million different ideas swam through my head all at once of what could have been going through his mind.

None of his phones worked anymore. Even the one he had taken with him stopped going to voicemail. I didn’t realize he’d taken the phone with him until later, when I was going through his night table stand a few days after he disappeared. His wallet, money, ID and all, was also missing.

But I still held onto hope, doggedly wishing he was back or even just alive in general. I kept praying for it. I even prayed to him a few times. Trying to tell him I loved him and I missed him. I still have nightmares about that night. Waking up screaming his name, covered in sweat, heart racing. Some nights I’d wake like that and feel like I was being watched. Searching the dark corners of my room for the eyes I could have sworn were on me. But I’d shrug it off and roll over and try to go back to sleep. Hugging my pillow, crying silent tears for the man I loved with everything in me.

* * *

As year two marched on, I was feeling better and better. Stronger. Older. I still ached for him but I had to move on. I had to get my life back. I had to get me back. Even if it meant walking through life as only half a person. Because that’s how I felt, like I was only half alive. I still had the nightmares, nightly. But as time went on I started to be able to function during the day. Not needing to drown my thoughts in whiskey or whatever else. Men, women, alcohol… I did it all to try and forget. But the whole escapism thing was getting old.

 _Tonight is the night_ , I told myself.  _After I gank these demons, I’m taking my ass to my motel, taking a long shower, and drowning myself in a book, instead of a bottle. Fuck that shit. I need something different for a change._

I got to the club where I knew they were picking their victims. I wasn’t going to bother going in. I didn’t have the right outfit, or enough cash, to get my way into this type of place. It was fancy, expensive, and for the rich. I had no wish to be surrounded by drunk and throbbing bodies, writhing around touching each other. I just wanted to kill the demons and move on.

I decided to lean against the brick wall, in the alley, pretending to smoke cigarette, waiting for them to leave with their victims. I had an angel blade up my sleeve, and I had placed myself in the center of a large demon trap, that extended up the side of the wall. I drew it in… well… you don’t want to know. I knew it was there. No one else would, until they were standing in it and didn’t want to be. It was good for maybe one walk through. Which was fine. That’s what happens when you paint an invisible trap. Not as lasting as spray paint or blood. But it does work.

I was about to light my 5th cigarette of the night, when I heard laughter coming down the alley. A man and a woman. The woman appeared to be drunk and quite happy to be leaving with her very handsome, very sober, and very black eyed companion. He saw me, nodded… and then stopped walking. She kept going until she realized he hadn’t moved. He turned to me, snarling.

“Gotcha” I said. Before I could thrust my blade into his chest, my foot breached the edge of the circle, breaking it. He smoked out of his body. The anti possession tattoos all over my body twinged as the demon tried to aim for me. (I had more than one big one and a few tiny ones only I knew about because you could barely see them. I wasn’t taking any chances. They could burn the big ones off. But they’d have to search between my fingers and toes and under my breasts and in my hairline to find them all. I had a few other sigils tattooed on my skin, as well.) The body fell with a thud. The woman screamed. I sighed heavily. She ran off. I stayed there, rifling through his pockets, searching for a phone or any scrap of paper that could tell me who the demon was.

Too bad I wasn’t looking up because then I’d have noticed the other 5 demons approaching fast. I stood as soon as I heard them…blade in hand. Swinging around I took out all but one. I had him pinned against the wall. I went to thrust the blade into his chest and suddenly the world spun. The wall behind him changed. He disappeared from my hand, along with the angel blade I was holding. The lighting became much brighter. And a few familiar smells hit me at once.

I was back in the bunker. In front of me was Dean, with black eyes, and he was smiling. Despite his eyes, he was still so damn beautiful. As all this came into focus, I took a deep breath and went to run forward at him but my feet were stuck. His hand was out… and he was…  _HE WAS LAUGHING AT ME!_  Head thrown back, genuine laugh, full belly, deep voice, laugh. If his eyes hadn’t been black, I’d have sworn he was my Dean. Laughing at something silly I’d done. But his eyes were black. And I had been teleported back to the bunker in the middle of a fight with another demon. My eyes narrow and I go to speak. But I can’t. I can’t move at all. All I can do is breathe and blink. He moves towards me, hand still extended,  and I close my eyes, expecting the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is the life's blood that keeps me going!


	4. Jar of Hearts, Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding herself (y/n) back at the bunker, demon!Dean has a proposal for her. What will her answer be, and how will it affect everything else…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a really long time for me to write. Mostly because I hadn’t actually watched passed Season Nine yet and I wasn’t sure what kind of man demon!Dean was. So I finally buckled down and watched the episodes where he’s a demon. I’m in the middle of a rewatch so I had to skip ahead by a lot. But it was worth it, because I got a better feel for how he was. I hope I did him justice here. I hope you enjoy this chapter. The next one is going to be really fun.

**(Y/n) POV  
**

What happens, however, is his hand brushes my cheek. My mind goes back to the night in the car while cradling Dean’s head in my lap. I remember a similar sensation barely registering in my mind, at the time. But my body remembered. My eyes flew open at him, just in time to realize that his lips were crashing against mine.

How does one look at someone in a hard manner when all they can move is their eyelids and eyeballs? I don’t know but I was trying hard. I was breathing heavy and I was trying to convey with my eyes just how seething I was.

His black eyes dared to wear the face of the love of my life. I didn’t know if Dean, himself, had turned into a demon, or if one was just wearing him as a meat suit. I didn’t care. I was pissed. How fucking dare he?!

He must have been reading my mind because he laughs again. All I could do was breath harder as my anger elevates even higher. **  
**

“Hello sweetheart. Fancy meeting you here.” He laughs at his own joke. I squint as best I can. I begin to sweat as I try to break free of his demon mojo grasp on me. I guess I should feel lucky he didn’t slam me against a wall or something. They love doing that for some reason. He laughs again.

_Fine. You want to read my mind, you prick. Let me go and we’ll see who has all the power!_

“Now, now, (Y/n) is that any way to talk to… what was you said? The love of your life? That’s not very nice. We both know you wouldn’t fight me.”

_Oh yeah? Let me go and find out. I know you have the blade on you. I know you plan to use it. Tell me. Have you killed Sam, yet? Or is he just tied up somewhere._

He glares at me, at the accusation that he killed Sam. 

_Interesting. Is that a sore spot? Is some part of you still human, Dean? Not wanting to kill your brother? Or were you waiting to get me here so you could force me to watch?_

Before I could blink again, he’s slapped me. His grasp on me must be waning because I was able to whimper at the sensation. The action should have broken my jaw but it didn’t.

_Oh come on Dean. Holding back?_

“Sweetheart, you are making it really difficult to not want to kill you.” He takes a breath to calm himself before he continued talking “I came here to ask you to join me. To hunt by my side. I’ve killed for you and you didn’t even know it. It was the thought of you, that made me leave in the first place. I didn’t want to plunge this damn blade into your heart. And believe me, I really wanted to.”

_How can you ask that of me? You are a demon. You are the very thing we hunt. You don’t care about me. You don’t care about anyone. How dare you come here and do this to me. You might as well have plunged that blade into my heart. You could have stayed and let us cure you. We know how to cure demons. You know this. And since it isn’t a trial, it wouldn’t kill anyone. But no. You left. You took off and didn’t call. Didn’t leave a message of any kind. You just… left._

Now his anger begins to flair again. “Why would I want to be human? I have the Mark of Cain. I have The First Blade. I have these beautiful black eyes. I can go where I want. Do who I want. Do what I want. I don’t have to follow anyone’s rules but my own. And you are wrong about one thing. I do care about you. Why do you think you aren’t dead, yet. Join me, (Y/n). Be by my side. We can hunt anything worse than me and we can have a good time doing it.”

_Why. why am I the thing you care about? I’m not your brother. I’m just a girl you took in and hunt with. And sleep with. You loved me. But why am I different than anyone else?_ **  
**

“Because you belong to me. You are mine. And what’s mine matters to me.” He glares, as if I should have known this as fact.

 _Uh. No. I do not, in fact, belong to you. I am my own person. I belong to myself. I am not a trophy, Dean. I am me._  I feel his grasp slip more and I glare at him hard. My brows furrowing. He looks up at me and I clear my expression.

“That’s hilarious. I am going to ask you one more time. If you say no, I won’t be able to stop what happens next. Everyone you love will die. And I will start with Castiel and Sammy. And then I will move on to every single friend you’ve made. Every single person you’ve saved. They will all die. Now. Join me.” He grabs my face like he’s going to kiss me, again.

I feel my arm break free of his grasp. It must have happened when he allowed me to speak out loud. Needing to hear the words. I have no idea if he even knows or cares. But this is my chance.

“YOU WILL NEVER HAVE ME! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TRY!” He didn’t know I had a second angel blade up my sleeve. While he’s thrown off by my sudden outburst I swing my arm, tossing the blade out of my sleeve and it lands in my hand like I’ve done this move a thousand times before… which I have. Its my favorite move. I keep a blade up each sleeve, for this very reason. It feels like everything is happening in slow motion. Dean’s hand is still on my face.

Before he can react to any of it, I thrust the angel blade into my heart, making contact with my soul and my white hot rage. Rage this world has never seen before that wasn’t induced by some spell. Mixed along with my love for Dean, it does something. All Dean can do is shield his eyes from what’s happening in front of him. I laugh as I disappear.

* * *

**Dean POV  
**

Well I did not see that coming. Being able to read her mind did not help me. And I let too much of her go when I allowed her to speak. When the blade made contact with her body, I have to shield my eyes as the room filled with a white light, as if an angel was being killed. Before her body, and the angel blade disappears, there is another light… the veiny red-orange electric light of a demon dying run under her skin. Left where she was standing was a perfect silhouette shadow burned into the floor, shaped like her body.

Well fuck. What do I do now? I can’t exactly make good on my promise. She isn’t here. There is no point. I assume she’s dead, but nothing in this world really stays dead.

I walk to where I had Sam tied up. “So funny story…” and I proceed to untie him as I tell him what happened. He, of course, punches me in the face. “Yeah I deserved that.” **  
**

“I can’t believe I am going to say this, but if we are going to find her, you are probably going to have to stay a demon for a little longer” He sighs heavily.

“Fine by me, Sammy. As long as I keep killing, I won’t turn completely darkside. Can’t get rid of the eyes though.” I chuckle, and flash him the eyes.

“That isn’t funny, Dean. We have too much shit going on all at once right now. If (Y/n) hadn’t disappeared, I’d be locking you up and curing you. The fact that the blade is also gone, leads me to believe that she ended up somewhere. Our first move is to summon Crowley and find out what he knows.”

“Yeah don’t remind me.” I sigh in frustration. “I really didn’t want to see him again, so soon.”

“Tough, asshole. This is your fault. Suck it up. We have work to do.”

He’s right. This is my fault. I honestly did not see this coming. I couldn’t even read the actions she took, from her mind. It just happened. And now, I have NO idea where she is or what happened. We have our work cut out for us.

We walk back to the main part of the Bunker to get the ingredients together to summon Crowley. I have a feeling this is going to be a very long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is the life's blood that keeps me going!


	5. Jar Of Hearts, Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Y/n) appears in an unexpected place and realizes that she is a whole new person. She has no idea what that means yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to get creative with this one. I love how this turned out. I hope I explained everything well enough that it makes sense. The symbol used in the chapter is called a Antimony. [Link to the page can be found in the body of the chapter.] The description is as follows:
> 
> “Antimony is a regarded as a cooperative metal because it works best when it is combined with another metal, notably lead, brass and bronze. It is actually a metalloid that does not react chemically as a metal, but has metal-like appearance & physical properties. It is a protective metal and teaches the values of transformation and adaptability. It teaches of wisdom and strength that can be gained from others and also given in return. Antimony represents the free spirit, wild nature or animal power dwelling within all humans. A person can benefit by wearing this symbol when feeling meek.”
> 
> I thought it was perfect for what I was going for, in this chapter.

**(Y/n) POV**

“Well hello, darling. (Y/n) open your eyes, love. I know you aren’t dead. I can hear your heart beating against that blade in your chest.” A familiar voice greets me.

I slowly open my eyes, as the world comes into focus. I feel… different. I look down at my chest and the angel blade I had thrust into my body is still there. I slowly pull it out. There is no pain. I grunt as my skin seals shut, leaving behind a scar that looks almost metallic. All of the old scars I can see, also look this way. Hmmm….

Without thinking, I try and wipe my blood off the blade, but it won’t come off. I inspect it more closely. Where my blood has touched the blade, even what ran down the handle, is now bronze in color. As if my blood was burned into it somehow. I squint in confusion.

I look up at the man in front of me and immediately gasp. “What the fuck?!” I scramble back from the horror in front of me. Its Crowley, but not. I can see the demon inside the meat. I’ve never been able to do that before. As soon as I lock eyes with him, my brain floods with all sort of information. Crossroads demon. King of hell. How long he’s been a demon. What his contract was. What his powers are. What his strengths and weaknesses are. And lastly, the words “Not on the list”. Whatever that means. I think it has something to do with killing him. I’m not sure yet.

“Well isn’t that interesting. I think you should come with me. You are not exactly the same girl you were a few moments ago… and as we speak, Moose and Squirrel are trying to summon me to get answers. Answers I don’t have yet.” He reaches his hand out to me and I take it, allowing him to help me to my feet. The moment my skin touches his, there is a strange sensation. One that says “He is an ally. For now. Be wary.”

“Curiouser and curiouser” he says.

Looking around, I realize I’m in his throne room. How or why I appeared here, isn’t apparent yet. I want answers as well. As he leads me to another room, we pass by more demons and I can see their true faces under the vessel as well. Similar information to what happened with Crowley, pops into my head with each new face. As their eyes meet mine, I begin to smell several things. Curiosity, anxiety, and mostly fear. Interesting. Even they can’t tell what I am.

The longer we walk, the stronger I feel. My skin tightens and my muscles get harder. It seems my transformation isn’t 100% complete, but the longer we walk, the more I feel it. My vision becomes more enhanced. My sense of smell does, as well. I can begin to pick out individual bodies. Some I recognize. Others I don’t. Thankfully, I can begin to control how much of the demons’ true faces I can see. I wonder if this is how angels see them.

We finally arrive to wherever it is Crowley was leading me. He lets my hand go and backs up away from me. “This was my mother’s room, while she was here. I can have clothes and stuff brought in, if you want to bathe and change. Or you can pick something from what’s left here. It's up to you. Either way, I suggest you look in the mirror. You might find that it isn’t just your skin and scars that are changing. You look completely different… and I have to say. It is a little unsettling.”

I set the angel blade down. No. Not angel blade. Not anymore. I don’t know what to call it now. It doesn’t hum the same as it use to. It feels like… Like it was made for me. My blade. Hmmm. I should come up with a name for it. Crowley walks over and brushes his fingers over the handle and I hear a sizzle. He pulls his hand back with a yell. “What in the blue blazes was that?! That thing just burned me!” I look over and he’s holding his hand. His finger tips are smoking and they aren’t healing as fast as they should. The longer this goes on, the more interesting things become.

“Well, whatever changed me, seems to have changed the blade as well. It doesn’t hum the same as an angel blade anymore. I can almost hear it.” I smirk at him. He scowls.

“Ok. Well. I’ll leave you to it. Bathroom is through there. The hot water never runs out. The bathtub is large enough to hold three people. So take your time. You aren’t a prisoner here, but I would suggest staying, until we figure this out. We don’t know what you are, or how dangerous you can be. And as much as your two boys are not my besties, I really don’t want you killing them. They are still useful to me.”

He strides out of my room, still holding his hand. I focus as he walks out. The demon inside the skin is also burned. Now that is an neat turn of events. It didn’t even break his skin and yet it burned the demon on the inside. No wonder the skin wasn’t healing. I smile and file this away for later.

I walk into the bathroom. There’s mirrors on every wall. I undress and turn the bathtub taps on. I begin to examine my body in the nearest mirror, as the tub fills up, taking stock of what’s changed. I am pretty sure I will be standing here for a while.

The first thing I notice is my new tattoo.

  ([X](https://www.ancient-symbols.com/metal-symbolism.html))

It's on my dominant arm, bright red. It looks almost like an upside down bell, with a cross on the handle. I’ve seen this before, in some lore about alchemy. I trace my finger over it, as I get lost in thought.

* * *

 

**Crowley POV**

As soon as (Y/n) landed in my throne room, I can feel the breach. Now how did a human get into my throne room, without moving through the rest of my realm? Curiosity, more than anything else, gets the best of me, and I investigate.

Now this is interesting. She’s laying on the floor with an angel blade sticking out of her chest, but her heart is still beating. “Well hello, darling. (Y/n) open your eyes, love. I know you aren’t dead. I can hear your heart beating against that blade in your chest.” As she stirs, i can feel the air in the room change. Watching her pull the blade out of her chest was difficult. I sensed no pain coming from her. There was no blood. And the hole closed up right away. It left behind a scar that looks almost like metal was poured over the wound. This just gets stranger and stranger.

Then she looks at me in the eyes and I back up. Her eyes are different. Not human. Almost animal. She looks up at me and immediately gasp. “What the fuck?!” she yells and scrambles back. Suddenly I feel naked. And invaded. I can feel something moving through my mind, picking up all the important points. Something seems to click, in her mind, because when her eyes move from mine, I feel relieved. That was the most unnerving thing I’ve ever experienced, even counting the time I almost became human. This can’t be good.

“Well isn’t that interesting. I think you should come with me. You are not exactly the same girl you were a few moments ago… and as we speak, Moose and Squirrel are trying to summon me to get answers. Answers I don’t have yet.” I reach my hand out to her, to help her stand. The moment her skin touches mine, there is a strange sensation. Almost like my intentions were being assessed. I squint. “Curiouser and curiouser” i mumble under my breath.

I lead her down several hallways, past a lot of faces. Everytime we pass by a demon, their stances change. The scent in the air also changes. Is that.. Fear? What a bunch of babies. The skin on the hand in mine, seems to get less pliable, as well. It seems her transformation is still happening. I suspect that if I wanted to kill her, I should have tried when she was on the floor, before she removed the blade. Something tells me I wouldn’t be able to even hurt her now. Not that I want to. I’m intrigued.

We arrive at the door I was leading her to. Letting her hand go, my instinct is to back up away from her, so she doesn’t feel caged. “This was my mother’s room, while she was here. I can have clothes and stuff brought in, if you want to bathe and change. Or you can pick something from what’s left here. It's up to you. Either way, I suggest you look in the mirror. You might find that it isn’t just your skin and scars that are changing. You look completely different… and I have to say. It is a little unsettling.” She nods at me, in understanding. Since she doesn’t answer I assume she will either pick something out or put back on her current clothes. Ok, then.

She sets the blade down It looks strange. It feels strange. The power coming from it is different than that of an angel blade.. Curiously, I walk over and brush my fingers over the handle and I hear a sizzle. I jerk my hand back with a yell. “What in the blue blazes was that?! That thing just burned me!” She watches me as I hold my injured hand with my good one. My fingertips are smoking and they aren’t healing as fast as they should. I really don’t like this.

“Well, whatever changed me, seems to have changed the blade as well. It doesn’t hum the same as an angel blade anymore. I can almost hear it.” She smirks at me… I can do nothing but scowl.

“Ok. Well. I’ll leave you to it. Bathroom is through there. The hot water never runs out. The bathtub is large enough to hold three people. So take your time. You aren’t a prisoner here, but I would suggest staying, until we figure this out. We don’t know what you are, or how dangerous you can be. And as much as your two boys are not my besties, I really don’t want you killing them. They are still useful to me.”

As I walk out of the room, I feel invaded again. Eyes searching under the skin of my meat suit. I shiver. I am not healing as fast as I usually do. I flex my injured fingers. _I_ am injured. My demon self. Not just the body I’m wearing. That doesn’t happen. I really really do not like this.

I don’t think I can face the Winchesters just yet. They would not believe me, if I told them. I think they will have to see her first. But what the hell is she? She isn’t human. Nor angel. Nor demon. Well this night just became a long one.

I summon one of my minions. “Get me every book on transformative magic that exists. Every language. Every publication date. Cross reference that with angels, demons, and their weapons.” He hesitates. “Yes?”

“Well, sir, that’s going to be thousands of books?”

I squint at him. “So? Did I stutter? Hurry it up. I don’t have a lot of time. If you won’t do it, I will replace you and send someone else.” I raise my hand to snap my fingers and wait. His eyes go wide.

“Uh, yes sir. I’ll go. I will need help.”

“Take whoever you need. Just go!” I raise my voice and he scurries out of the room.

Everyone seems on edge. With good reason. (Y/n) scares the shit out of me and I have no idea what the fuck she is. Everyone can sense it. I really hope they don’t think they can break ranks. She could wipe us ALL out, I’m pretty sure of it.

Twenty minutes pass and my throne room begins to fill with books. One by one I go through them. “Yeap,” I sigh in frustration, “this is going to be a very long night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is the life's blood that keeps me going.


	6. Jar of Hearts, Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You explore your new body… and so does Crowley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t hate me for this lol… Once I got this in my head I couldn’t not write it. I hope I wrote Crowley ok. I don’t think I’ve been doing a very good job of it, so far… 
> 
> The playlist, on Spotify, I listened to while writing this can be found [HERE](https://open.spotify.com/user/hippiegothgypsy/playlist/4o1uXeDkrtHvQqDWTmUTt5?si=HZ59fRy5R8qGj0_3Oz-exA). You don’t have to listen to it, but I thought I’d share it with you. It's one of my favorites, and it's always growing lol
> 
> (Y/n)’s outfit can be found [HERE](https://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=235851907). - She’ll eventually get around to wearing it lol

**(Y/n) POV**

After I take my bath, I stood in the bathroom, looking over my new body, inspecting it, noting what was different. For a second time. My tattoos are what I noticed first. All of the anti-possession tattoos were gone, except the one that Dean gave me himself. It was in the same place that his was. Over my heart, just under my collarbone. Even the tiny ones in my hairline were gone. The angel warding was still there. 

My hair was next. It was shinier and healthier. It still had its original texture, but the color was more vibrant and seemed to sparkle. It was almost like every color that showed up in the strands was suddenly more visible and catching the light. 

My eyes... The whites of my eyes were no longer white. They were a shimmery light blue, similar to that of when an angel shows its grace. The iris and pupils were also different. The irises were the same color as the bronze on my blade. The pupils seem to shine like light being caught on the eyes of a wild animal. I found that I could control the focus of my eyes. Zooming in and out, while focusing on my own body I didn’t need to lean into the mirror to see all the fine details of my skin. I could even focus on individual pores. I turned my head, focusing on something across the large bathroom and realized I could focus on it until it was clear enough that it felt like I was standing right next to it. 

My lips were a little fuller than they had been. Noting that they had a little more color to them than before. Almost like I was wearing lipstick a shade or two deeper than my original lip color.

Running my eyes down my naked form, I took in every single scar, including the tiny ones left from stitches, to the very large jagged scars. Even ones I’d forgotten I had. They shimmered like they had been filled with metal. The color complimenting my skin color perfectly. I poked at the newest one on my chest and turned to see its matching partner on my back. It shimmered the brightest. It didn’t hurt, and the nerves felt the same so the nerves aren't damaged. The skin was just marred. I wondered if my heart had a similar scar since the blade had gone right through it.

My fingers ghosted over the new red tattoo that marked my dominant arm. I’d already inspected it so I didn’t spend much time on it. I did note that it was slightly raised, as if it was freshly applied to my skin with an actual tattoo machine.

The next thing I poked and prodded was the skin of my breasts. They were firmer than I remembered them being. My nipples were a little paler. My breasts are the same size and shape as they were before. They just didn’t sag as much as they previously had. I smirk.

Inspecting the rest of my fluffy bits I realized I was no longer actually fluffy. My muscles were hard and sculpted. Where I had any layers of fat, the skin there was hard and tough. I didn’t look much different in those areas, except the skin wasn’t squishy. So my size didn’t change too drastically. I was just much much stronger and my muscles and skin matched that. 

Looking at where my legs met, I parted them and inspected. The curls there were neatly trimmed and below the mound there wasn’t any hair. Something I hadn’t bothered with, after Dean died. I was a hunter; I didn’t need to dress up my pussy for anyone since anyone I’d actually sleep with, I’d never see again. I parted the lips of my pussy and noted that the flesh was just slightly paler than it use to be, similar to my nipples. I brushed a finger over my clit and noted that the sensitivity hadn’t changed. 

My eyes wandered down the rest of my legs and noted that they were hair free, and my toenails were shiny and perfect. This made me inspect my fingernails and noted that they were also shiny and perfect. They were short and I wished they were a little longer and to my surprise, they started to grow. When they were their desired shape and length, they stopped growing. I hummed in appreciation.

Finished with taking in my new body, I decided that it was time to leave the bathroom. I had briefly looked over my body before climbing into the bathtub, but noticed that everything that was currently different seemed more… done... then it had before. 

As I exit the door, into my new bedroom, I pass by where my blade was laying. My hand started to itch and I felt a need to pick it up. My body took over and with my non-dominant hand, I pressed the tip into the palm of my other hand. I felt a sharp pinch, then a tingle as the blade started to disappear into my hand. My eyes grow wide. Flicking my wrist, it springs out of my flesh and appears in my dominant hand, blade tip pointed out. I press the tip into another part of my body and again I felt a pinch, and then my skin tingle as it disappeared. I flicked my wrist again, this time I used my non-dominant hand. Nothing happened. I flicked my other wrist and again, my blade sprang into my grip. This revelation made me giggle. 

I press my blade into my thigh and was about to flick my wrist again, when I hear a throat clearing from the doorway. One of Crowley’s minions was standing there, trying to look everywhere but at me. I smirk and wander over to him. Honestly, I don’t really care if he was looking or not. But it amused me that sweat was starting to bead up on his forehead.

“Yes?” I ask him, while standing close enough to him that I could feel the heat coming off his skin.

He briefly looks down at my face and looks back up over my head again. “Crowley wants to see you. He has dinner ready”

“Tell you what. You go and collect every single article of unused clothing that you think might fit me. Go on. I give you permission to look. I have no idea what my size is. Bring them back here, so I can pick something. Then you go tell your boss that he should bring dinner to me in about 15 minutes after that.” I pat his cheek and smile as I watch the demon’s eyes wander over my nude form and then back to looking over my head. He turns on his heal and leaves without a word.

Soon after this encounter, several minions wandered in and out very fast, bringing all the clothes they could carry. I set about finding places for all the items. Organizing the giant closet that came with the room. I pulled down everything I’d never wear and piled them up to be removed later.

The last demon wandered in, took note of my naked body, made a small yelping noise when I caught him looking, and he ran out of the room, throwing his pile at my face. I laughed so hard at this I almost fell.

It was nearing time for Crowley to show up and I haven’t figured out what I was going to wear. I start to poke through the various items I decided to keep and picked out a lace bodysuit, leather pants with corset style lacing down the sides, a leather jacket that looked almost like a short frock dress, and knee high leather boots that had buckles all the way up. The only undergarments I pick out are some thick socks to make sure that the boots fit me perfectly. 

Just as I was about to climb into the bodysuit, I hear yet another throat clearing. Instantly the hair on the back of my neck raised and I knew that this wasn’t a regular demon.

“Crowley. It seems you have caught me in my birthday suit.” I smirk before turning around to face him. My eyes go wide at his companion “And you brought Juliet!”

I quickly walk over to a surprised Crowley and his giant hellhound, ignoring the man and stoop in front of the dog. I could see her clearly. She looked like an oversize rottweiler. Her fur looked kinda like slicked oil but also appeared to be dry so if I touched her, it wouldn’t get on me. I could clearly see the soul inside her skin. It had a reddish tint to it, and looked somewhat like a skeleton. I knew instantly that she was the pack leader and a non-threat to me. I instantly reach out to her and start baby talking. I hear Crowley scoff next to me.

“Who’s a good doggy? Aren't you just the cutest thing ever? Look how big you are, you adorable monster. Who likes their ears scratched? I bet you do!” I reach out further and scratch behind her ears. She leans into my touch and starts to make happy dog noises. “I knew you liked a good ear scratch. You what belly rubs? I bet you’d love some belly rubs” and before I could even reach down to her belly, the giant dog shakes the room by throwing her body down on the floor and showing her belly. When I don’t move fast enough, she whines up at me and yips, tongue lolling out of her mouth as she pants with anticipation. I reach down and scratch her belly and instantly the room starts to shake as her leg goes a mile a minute, enjoying the scratches.

This causes me to chuckle. I look up at Crowley and he is glaring at me, but also looking very confused. 

“Like what you see, old man? Want me to part my legs some more, for you?” my question breaks his concentration and he shakes his head and looks me in the eyes and huffs. I stand.

“Juliet, why don’t you go lay on my bed while me and your daddy have a nice talk.” I walk over to the bed and pat it and the dog follows me and jumps up and gets comfortable. I felt, rather than saw, Crowley bristle when I called him daddy. This made me smirk. That dirty old man. I giggle out loud.

“Crowley, don’t just stand there. Shut the door and come in. I thought you brought dinner. I’m actually hungry and would love something… preferably a rare steak, seasoned to perfection, with a fancy side dish and some red wine.” I turn and look over my shoulder. I’m actually leaning over the bed, laying out the clothes I want to wear. When I bend back over the edge of the bed, I swear I heard him groan under his breath.

“Aren’t you going to put some clothes on, (Y/n)?” his voice seems urgent.

I slowly walk back to where he’s moved into my room, “Do you really want me to?” I lean in close to him, my breath ghosting over his face. I hear his feet shuffle and hand moves. I look down to where it lands and the poor guy is adjusting himself in his fancy dress pants. “I didn’t think so.” I brush my hand over his growing erection and lean in close to his ear, my lips barely touching the edge of his skin, whispering quietly. “Feed me the dinner I asked for. Eat with me. Enjoy my company. And if you are a good boy, I might let you eat me for desert.” 

His eyes flutter closed and he groans as my hand leaves his now very hard length.

I step back and let him compose himself.

He clears his throat. “Right. Ok. Dinner it is.” He snaps his fingers and a table for two appears. Dinner plates covered with metal domes. Wine is chilling next to the table. I grab a fluffy towel and lay it across my chair. I enjoy being naked and torturing the demon in front of me, but I really don't want my ass getting cold.

I sit in my chair and motion for him to join me. I whistle and pat my thigh, calling Juliet to sit next to me. “Crowley, can you snap in something I can feed her, while we enjoy our meal?”

He snaps in a plate of raw meat. I don’t ask what it is. I don’t want to know. I cut it up into small bits and Crowley snaps in a new set of silverware for me. Like the good girl I know she is, she patiently sits next to me, looking at me with hungry soulful eyes. “Good girl, Juliet. Daddy and Aunty (Y/n) are going to have dinner now. If you stay good, I will feed you this yummy raw meat. Do you understand me?” She yips and licks my leg in response. I feed her a small piece and she gently takes it from me, and then goes back to sitting, waiting patiently.

Crowley finally sits, after having shaken himself from staring at the exchange between me and his top hellhound. “How in bloody hell are you doing that? She only ever listens to me?” He seems rather annoyed.

“See my eyes? I think it has something to do with that. Whatever has happened to me… I think it allowed me to connect to all manner of man and beast. I can see her perfectly. I can even see the soul inside. She matches your demon smoke, by the way. A lovely shade of red.” I dig into my dinner and moan as the perfectly cooked meal passes over my tongue. 

“Huh”, is all he says. He finally digs into his own meal. 

As we eat and sit in silence, I only break it when I ask Juliet to do some common dog trick or another, giving her a piece of the raw meat when she listens. “Your girl really is very smart, Crowley. I hope you are treating her well, and don’t just take her out when she’s collecting souls.” Juliet barks in agreement.

He scowls over at me, as if I insulted him as a parent. I suppose I have.

It also seems he’s gotten use to my nudity, since he doesn’t seem to be affected by it anymore. I ruin this by lifting my leg and running my foot along his inner thigh. His whole body stiffens. 

“What do you think you are doing, (Y/n)? Better yet,  _ why _ are you doing it. I thought you were Dean’s girl. Why are you trying to seduce me?”

“Well, for one, me declaring that I am not Dean’s girl, is how I ended up here. I am the one that stuck that angel blade into my chest. He tried to force me to be his. I wasn’t having it. As far as trying to seduce you. I don’t know. I thought it would be fun. I’m not looking to marry you, Crowley. I just wanna test out my new body and you are the most powerful demon I know. I really don’t want to see Dean again, yet. I’m not sure if I’d kill him or not.” I pause to take a sip of my wine and wait for his response.

“Well, I suppose we could arrange for that to happen…” it seems like he’s going to say more but I cut him off.

“I said after dinner, Crowley. I really am hungry and this meal is pretty good. Besides, Juliet isn’t done eating either and I really don’t think you want her begging for food while you are balls deep.” I smirk at him. He tries to act unaffected by my crass words, but I can see that he’s sweating. I suppose my toe running along the inseam of his pants isn’t helping. I giggle and toss Juliet another piece of meat.

* * *

 

Finally our meal is finished. He has several of his minions clear the room, rather than snap his fingers. I am pretty sure he is trying to make me feel uncomfortable, since I am naked and these are all strange men. What a silly demon. I don’t give a damn about that. They mean nothing to me. Besides, if they try to do anything that I don’t want them to, they die. Simple. I smile at his efforts though. He knows he can’t best me and he’s trying to “get me” anyway he can.

I move to the bed and lay down, all sprawled out. Juliet follows me and lays on the floor next to the bed. My hand dangles down, absentmindedly petting her. Crowley follows me with his eyes… settling on my very exposed core, his face turns a little pink. The king of hell blushing. That’s adorable.

“You, Dimitri” I get the attention of the last demon to leave the room. “Take Juliet back to where ever it is she’s staying. Don’t worry, she’ll behave.” I turn my attention to her “Juliet, this nice demon is going to take you back to your own bed. You be nice to him. Your daddy and I have something we need to do. But we can visit again soon, ok? If you are a good girl, I’ll come visit you and we can play. Now go on.” I motion towards the door and she quietly licks my hand and walks out of the room in front of the demon.

With him gone, the door shuts on its own. Crowley seems to have let something snap in his stance and he stalks over to me, having decided something. He grabs my ankle and drags me to the edge of the bed, so that my knees are both dangling off the bed. I sit up on my elbows and look down at him. He’s in his silk boxers, on his knees. “You said I could have you for desert. I’m just making sure my desert is nice and moist” He licks his lips.

I wave my hand in a dismissive manner “I suppose you’ve earned it, Crowley.” 

I wiggle my hips until my ass is half hanging off the edge of the bed. I throw both legs onto his shoulders. When I do, I feel his inner power surge against my skin. I know he feels it too. He grunts as he hooks his arms around my thighs before diving head first, nose nudging my clit as his tongue laps at my folds. I moan at the sensation. I gasp as his tongue wriggles against my clit, causing it to harden and become sensitive. He uses one of his fingers to push the hood back and he presses harder. This causes my hips to buck and I grab his hair and push his head against my core, urging him for more. The more he touches me, the more of him I feel. The demon touching me through the meat suit. I can feel the power of him and I’m almost drunk on it.

He unhooks one of his arms from around my thigh and slowly inserts a finger into my slit, curling it against my g-spot. I call out at the sudden wave of pleasure surging through my lower belly. 

“More” I urge, wriggling my hips against his face. He inserts another finger. When he does, my orgasm crashes around me and I gush against his hand. “MORE” I urge. He keeps going, forcing my orgasm to crest and crash over and over, not once letting me down. Apparently stamina comes with this new body because I can’t bring myself to make him stop. I want him to make me cum over and over again until I am half dead from dehydration. 

“Crowley, fuck me. Now, please.” I reach down and grab his arm on my thigh and pull him up towards my body, kissing him and licking my fluids off his face. Even my taste is different. It is very sweet. Not metallic or salty like it use to be. He groans at my actions and wills away his silk boxers.

“(Y/n) what about protection, darling. I don’t want you to become pregnant. We don’t know what it’ll do to you.” he tilts his head a little, searching my face.

I take stock of my body and dig down deep within myself. Similar to what I did to him when I first laid eyes on him with my new eyes. I sense that both my ovaries are dormant and i have no eggs waiting. “We are good to go. I have a feeling that I won’t ever fall pregnant unless i absolutely want to. It feels like my ovaries are asleep. Now. Fuck me, please.” I snake my tongue out and swipe the tip against his lips, just barely.

He uses his knees to force my legs further apart and situates himself closer to where I need him most. The tip of his cock pressing at my entrance, waiting for me to actually give him the go-ahead. I sense his hesitation. 

I caress both sides of his face with my hands, in a tender way, to get his attention and to drive home the point I try to make. “Hey. If you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to. I won’t force you. I will understand. I promise I won’t hold it against you.” I gently kiss him. I don’t owe him anything, but he fears me and I don’t want him to do this if that’s the only reason why. I don’t want someone to fuck me because they are afraid. That isn’t consent.

To make sure he understands I am serious, I move to get off the bed, letting him pull away if he wants. He feels me move under him, and he snaps out of his own head and cages my head in between his arms and gently lowers himself so he’s laying on top of me, but not to the point where its uncomfortable. “That… is the kindest thing anyone’s ever said to me. I’m touched. I understand you a little better. I was worried you were going to be angry with me if I suddenly didn’t want to…”

“No, you dummy. I’d be frustrated. And maybe a little rejected. But both of those things are my problem to deal with. Not your’s. Why would I be mad about that? You can say no. You are allowed. Mortal enemy or not.” I playfully slap his arm and smile at him. “I may be whatever it is that I am. But I still have my morals. And consent has always mattered to me, regardless of how dominant I want to be or who my partners are.”

I lean up and kiss him gently again. This seems to ignite his fire again and he bucks his hips and with one smooth motion, he’s buried in my heat to the hilt. I feel our powers sort of meet between us, causing a unique but pleasurable sensation. He groans out loud and I call out loudly. My nails digging into the flesh of his back, drawing blood. He pulls out, nearly all the way, and waits a second. I whine at the loss of him and he then slams back into me. We both make more noise of pleasure. He does this over and over, and our noises of pleasure echo around the room. I don’t even think twice about being quiet

The coil in my belly builds and snaps over and over as he plows into me. Not only from being able to feel his powers touching mine, but also the head of his cock hitting my g-spot and the opening to my cervix, over and over. A sensation that would usually bring pleasure and then intense pain, in the past but this was pure bliss. Pain like that didn’t seem to plague me anymore. And I reveled in it. The sheets under my body becoming soaked with my multiple releases. Our bodies are both covered in sweat with the exertion. 

I bring my hips up to meet his while he thrusts and then I wrap my ankles around his hips, resting my feet against his ass, forcing him deeper. He lets out a sinful groan and stops moving. He then unhooks my legs and leans back onto his knees. He takes my legs and rests them against his chest. As he leans forward again, my legs end up over his shoulders. We both hiss as he slides back in, hitting a different angle for both of us. He moves again and this new sensation sends wave after wave of pleasure through my body.

Suddenly, as a particularly powerful orgasm hits, my dominant hand flicks out and my blade makes itself present. And suddenly Crowley is yelling out in pain, while still thrusting into my body. In surprise I drop the blade, and it clatters to the floor. I seek where its grazed against his hip. I focus on the severe burn that’s starting to blister and bleed and press my hand against it. He moans out in pain. His motions falter but he doesn’t stop moving, caught up in the pleasures our bodies are creating. I feel my eyes glow and I feel the skin under my palm knit back together. I also feel the damaged spot on his demon soul also knit back together.

With a powerful thrust, having the pain suddenly taken away and my healing powers touching his demon soul, he hollers out in the most undignified way and I feel him spill inside me. As he thrusts shallowly, working through his orgasm, I feel my final crash squeeze around him, milking him for what’s left. I feel his cock throb inside me a little more as he moans into my shoulder.

He leans up again and lets me pull my legs down, not pulling out of me yet. He crashes on top of me, careful not to knock the air out of my lungs. I wrap my arms around him. Neither of us are ready to move much more yet, trying to catch our breath.

Finally, when we both can move, he slowly eases out of my very sensitive heat and I feel our releases flow out of me around him. I feel both of our powers retreat from one another. He hisses at the loss of me and I do the same.

“That was… Wow Crowley. Also, I’m sorry about the blade thing. I honestly did not do that on purpose. I didn’t know I could heal you but when you were injured and I didn’t mean to, something in me told me to do that. I touched your soul. That was really… interesting.” I look up at him. He has a smirk on his face.

“That was exceptionally fun. I could feel the power flowing through your veins. I could feel your power touch mine. It was quite intimate. And when you healed me. I lost total control. I’ve never felt such power touch my demon soul. Maybe we could do this again, sometime.” He grins down at me.

He lays down at my side and looks over at me and grabs my hand, bringing it to his lips. Instead of kissing my hand he kisses the mark on my wrist The one that goes with my new body. I feel it tingle a little, and I shiver. Something in me whispers  _ True ally, for now. Keep him close. _

I roll onto my side and lay an arm over his chest. He opens his arm and lay my head onto his shoulder. I feel his grip on me tighten so we can lay closer together. I can hear his heart under my ear and the sound of it starts to lull me to sleep. Before I’m completely under, I mumble “You don’t have to stay. I know you don’t sleep.”

I hear him mumble back “Nonsense, Love. I could use a break. I will stay.” I feel him kiss the top of my head. And like that, I am completely out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is the life's blood that keeps me going!


End file.
